Saturday 4 June 2011

What A Way To Spend A Weekend!

It's that time of the year when L starts going on about the need for us (read yours truly) to" freshen up" the house. Now there wouldn't be a problem if by "freshen up" she meant spray a bit of polish or Fabreeze about the place but in Ls vocabulary "freshen up" is a euphemism for painting.

If there is one thing I hate more than Tory party leaders getting all moralistic on us it must be painting. It has to be the worst thing this side of water boarding. I realise these things have to be done and due to the fact that I don't has shed loads of disposable income it is down to me, my complete lack of patience or skill with a paint brush to do it. So instead of sitting here moaning I really should be putting on the old denims and be making a start.

When searching Google for a suitable picture for this rant I found something really disturbing. Every picture where people were participating in this torturous pursuit the people were always smiling. Is there a world wide conspiracy trying to kid us on that DIY will make us happy? It certainly won't have this miserable git grinning like a half wit.

Wayne Walker - All I Can Do Is Cry


sp73 said...

'It has to be the worst thing this side of water boarding.' - hmmm after seeing James Blake live at Primavera Sound I'd have to disagree.

Swiss Adam said...

You have my sympathies Drew. Freshening up the house is a major chore. Nice tune though.

Simon said...

I'm not mad keen. Hate shopping more though. Went on a shopping trip today with the family, on the surface of it for me to buy some new clothes, something nice for a wedding trip we're making next week. My shopping took all of twenty minutes. Spent nearly 5 hours in various other shops.

I would rather watch paint dry than go shopping I'm afraid.

dickvandyke said...

It's the preparation for painting I cant be doing with. How many of us sand, and skim, and soapflake the existing surface? The old brush up the garage is rock hard, you can't find aany turps, a stick to stir with, or a pot to piss in.

And as for glossing! I paint over the existing inch of dust and quickly give up on the masking tape that sticks to everything but the carpet.

On adverts, a lovely shiny very-much-in-love mid-20s couple wear dungarees, eat chocolate homewheat digestives and playfully blob each other's noses with a 'Salmony Rouge' emulsion whilst cavorting bare-footed 'neath a sparkling chandelier to the sound of Roberta Flack.

And can you imagine that feckin mangy olde english sheepdog runnin' around your box room while you try to apply that 3rd coat of watery 'Tobagan Sunrise' - picked up from Wilkinsons at a bargain £4.99?

Alls I get is, 'You missed a bit' or, 'Is that all you've done in 4 hours?' or, 'It's a bit chuffin' patchy innit?' - as I end up with trashed shoes, a speckled radio and more paint on my head than at a Boy George Convention.

dickvandyke said...

I got a bit carried away there. Still, it's been a while.

davyh said...

Mrs H is a great painter. Lucky, since I don't have any 'old denims' (whatever that is).

PS: Drew - you've a bit in your hair.

Swiss Adam said...

I think DVD has summarised the experience correctly. Or nailed it as they kept saying on that stupid talent show last night.

drew said...

"Soap flake the existing surface" you've made that up DVD, never heard the likes!

drew said...

Oh Spaceman 73 I don't understand all this adulation for James Blake, I don't get him at all.

drew said...
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